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IS IT REALLY A THING??

That’s not really a thing you know, it’s just something someone mean made up, it’s a way to say that you have no right to be hurt by whatever it is that is hurting you.

Yes, you guessed it,  I’m writing a blog about a video that I saw that was so mean, so cruel… and well, just…. so disappointing.

I watched the video, unfortunately, about 6 minutes after it was posted… I normally don’t watch anything by her, because honestly, well,  I’ve performed on the comedy circuit in BC for over a decade, and I don’t find her at all funny.  I’m not going to lie, I started following her years ago because, like me, she was (at that time) trying to break into the comedy world.  In 2010, I won the “Funniest new female stand up comedian” contest in Vancouver BC and I still proudly display my award though I only do comedy occasionally now because honestly, I don’t want to end up like the person who made this video… grasping at what/who to make fun of to get people to like me, being a comedian is WORK… like a LOT of work, and for that reason I can understand how someone could fall into the trap of insults… and I’m not afraid to admit it.

Here’s how it went; I started out thinking “oh, Nicole’s going to make a joke” and I admit, I laughed when she asked if I was going to chase her… (yes, I am a fat woman) but then everything after that served to drop my jaw lower and lower.  I simply could not believe that someone was saying this.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for freedom of speech, and I agree that we have become so PC that saying how you FEEL about something is bound to offend someone, however, this didn’t just hurt SOMEONE, it hurt so many people.  It hurt people I know, and people I don’t know.  I’m not sure if it hurt my feelings, but I am definitely offended.  Let me explain why I am offended;

I’m offended because it wasn’t funny.  I’m offended because I watch my teenage daughter cry that she is disgusting.  I am offended because after starving herself for two years, my baby sister took her own life.  I am offended because this woman wasn’t saying anything new, or edgy, or funny.  I am offended because she has taken away the ability for anyone to respond directly to her and in my opinion, if you are going to shout out your EXTREMELY controversial opinion, you best be prepared and OPEN to having your opinion countered.  I am offended because of how many people are now sitting at home saying “Now I can insult fat people because this FAMOUS person did it”  I am offended because nobody bloody asked her, or you, or anyone else for this kind of “feedback” or “help” or “concern”.  I am offended because even though 35% of North Americans are obese, the other 65% of people who are NOT aren’t all at the gym (I know this because I actually see far more big people at the gym than small) and yet we are constantly being told to exercise.  I am offended because though what I put in my mouth, and into my stomach may well have contributed to my weight, I was sitting at the damn table eating it right beside my thin counterparts.  I am offended because I have the RIGHT to eat.  I am offended because most people who are echoing her thoughts have never for one minute had an actual battle with their weight.  I am offended because I portioned all of my food for the week last night, and none of the insulting populous saw me do it, or saw me at the gym last night so it’s not like it actually COUNTS.  I am offended because I have yet to figure out at what point I qualify as a human being with value and feelings who matters because of my size.  I am offended because no one except me knows what goes into my body and it is reprehensible for me to eat an ice cream cone because I am fat.  I am offended because people like this individual have yelled at me to stop eating while I sit on a park bench eating a banana.  I am offended because of the idea that this is just “telling the truth”.  I am offended because I see now how many people look at my little girl and don’t believe she has any worth because she is bigger than they are.  I am offended that big people who have successfully lost weight call other big people who haven’t done so “fatties”.  I am offended that we hate ourselves so much that we want everyone else to hate themselves as well.  I am offended that by this theory, us OBESE people use so much medical care and yet in actuality, there is a great propensity for the obese to AVOID medical situations as we don’t get medical CARE as often as medical shame. I am offended by the multitude of  times I have seen a doctor and been told that whatever is wrong is related to my weight, or worse, completely disregarded for the same reason.  I am offended because most people who are DISGUSTED by me did NOTHING to earn their body, they eat what they want, and exercise IF they want and that’s OK, but because I wasn’t blessed with whatever magic it is that makes certain people not susceptible to weight gain, I have to watch every bit that I eat, no matter what it is… after all 50 calories of carrots is still 50 calories. I am offended because it was uncalled for.  I am offended because she doesn’t CARE about me, or you, or anyone else, and saying that she’s announcing to 18 million people because she cares is implying that she has any stake whatsoever in their lives, and she’s simply not that important.  I am offended by all the people telling us that we are butt hurt.  I am offended by all the big people who preface their comments with “I go to the gym” or “I’ve lost X pounds” as though we owe the world an explanation for our current size, as though we are saying “You may make fun of me today, but tomorrow I’ll be right beside you making fun of the other fatties”.  I am offended that anyone feels that they have the right to wrap up cruelty in the guise of caring.  I am offended because … because it was mean and hurtful and it was NOT said out of concern.

I get it… there are people in this world who find me, or my kid, or my friend, or my acquaintances repulsive, and you know, all ya’ll have that right.  I may hate your personality, or think you are unattractive.  I may believe that your intelligence is on the super low end of the spectrum and you know what, I have THAT right, and I also have the right to express my dismay that she needed to hurt me to be important.  I don’t believe that she should be banned, I’d like to believe that after posting her video, she realized what a complete and utter insult her video was and feels remorse though it is possible she won’t.  What I do believe is that not she, nor anyone else has the right to tell me to stop eating, or go to the gym, or stop using the medical resources that I pay for.

She says in her video that she isn’t talking about people with medical problems or “more cushion for the pushin”, and that’s interesting considering she can’t tell medical conditions from looking at someone, which implies that if I don’t want to be made fun of and I have a medical reason for my weight, I am supposed to carry around a medical note showing said condition to bypass the “fat bashing” that is allowable for the obese who don’t have a medical issue.  Here’s the thing… if we are OBESE, we DO have a medical condition.  I mean think about it… when you see a big person, don’t you wonder WHAT they ate to get that big?  if, as people suggest, it’s white food (potatoes, rice, pasta) then no one would be able to eat that.  If eating fast food is the issue, then well, either everyone in the restaurant would be fat, or the place would be completely empty.  There isn’t a fat person in the world who doesn’t KNOW they are fat.  We may be fat, but we aren’t stupid.  Pointing out other people’s flaws doesn’t make you a better person, and no, my friends would NEVER go out of their way to say mean hurtful things.  That doesn’t mean they don’t care about me, it means they DO care.  They care about the fact that if someone were to say it to them, or their little girl or their little boy, or their mother it would hurt them and MY friends don’t need to hurt other people to feel good about themselves.

In a world so full of hatred and anger, I’m not BUTT HURT!  My HEART is hurt.  My MIND is hurt.  My BELIEF in humanity is hurt.  My butt is just bloody fine.