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Facebook is so quiet without you.

Facebook is overrated

Facebook is addictive

When I decided to deactivate my facebook, I didn’t really understand what exactly that meant. I didn’t realize that it would undermine my confidence in myself. I had no idea that the carefully constructed persona that I have been showing to the world would somehow cease to exist, but there you have it. That’s exactly what happened.

I started my facebook account in 2004, possibly the beginning of 2005. For as long as I can recall, I have had an online presence. I spent countless hours playing the games, reading the ads, updating my status and all around snooping into the books of other people’s lives. I don’t know when it took over my life, or when it replaced real interaction with other people. What started out as a simple way to keep in touch, a way to see what is new and exciting in friends’ lives, somewhere along the way it became a way to avoid speaking to people. Sure people paid attention (or did they?) to what was new in my life, but at some point we all start to focus on other things. Somewhere along the way I seem to have disconnected from reality; depending entirely upon the faceless facebook to connect to people who are important to me. A friend mentioned that no one asked her how she was doing upon the anniversary of the death of a loved one, yet comments were a plenty, so what was lacking I asked.

What I didn’t count on was finding out the level of dependency the rest of the world has on Social media… or Anti-social media as some have called it. My phone doesn’t ring anymore, I don’t get text messages, I don’t get pokes, or emails, it is as though without facebook, I am no longer alive. That sounds so trite doesn’t it? To say that I am not alive is to imply that the world revolved around me when I WAS on Facebook. The reality is that when I stopped being on facebook, I quickly faded from people’s attention. In a world where an invitation to a close friend comes in the form of facebook “events” (amid all the other invitations for nonsense that we don’t even know WHY we were invited to!) in a mass email that you likely disregard due to the aforementioned nonsense invites. Now don’t get what I am saying wrong. I too depended too heavily on anti social media, and so when I closed it down, when I turned it off and logged off for the last time, it was strange and weird.

The knowledge that I had completely deleted my off-line life didn’t occur right away. At first, honestly speaking, I was so happy to be disconnected from the incessant “ding” notifying me of someone posting something about a super cute cat, or a petition to save the Antartic Sea anemonies, the notice that so and so was moving in with her new fiance… again… the relationship updates, breakup updates, it was simply exhausting to keep on everyone’s lives! After about a week, I started to realize that those dings made me feel important. They showed that I was… a person! Then the sadness crept in. I’m talking self esteem destroying sadness. Feeling as though no one even cared about me, no one noticed me leaving, no one wanted to be my friend anymore! But that COULDN’T BE! I mean, I have 278 FRIENDS on Facebook! I have 78 followers on Instagram, but on Facebook I have FRIENDS!

The beginning of February knocked me on my ass. I hadn’t been invited to anything, called by anyone, seen anyone in over a month. I no longer received text messages for days on end unless they were from my daughter or my partner, or the happily never after notification of my cell phone bill being ready…. I ceased… to exist. When I began questioning my “friends” as to why I suddenly didn’t get invites, or calls or texts. When I pointed out that I hadn’t heard from them in months, Facebook came into every reason. If I were only on Facebook, then people could include me in their lives. If I had my facebook again, I would have the opportunity to be invited to events. I’d know if Sarah had a baby or Kim bought a new house. If I re-activated my Facebook, I would suddenly enter people’s minds again. By March I noticed my friends responded to my calls or texts, but didn’t contact me themselves. My name, there in front of them was what was needed for me to count….

No… you’re wrong Facebook…. I don’t have 278 Friends. I have a handful. I don’t have Social media, I have anti-social acquaintances. Facebook sucked my friends away, my relationships dry. Facebook took away my interactions with the rest of the world…

I’ve been 5 months Facebook Free…. and I don’t think I will ever go back.

Fuck you Facebook. I want my friends back.